…and I’m fightin dirty!
As I spoke of last Friday, this week, I committed to join Tessa on her challenge of a week free of any exercise. I decided to begin on Sunday. Granted I’ve been walking to class and dancing to music in my apartment occasionally (shhhhh haha) but besides that, there’s been no lifting, jogging, plyos, anything.
It’s only been a few days but, it’s been hard man. Really hard.
So far, this challenge has shown me that I was relying on exercise WAAAAAAYYYY too much.
It’s one of the main ways I cope with stress and chaos. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and makes me feel like HELL YA after finishing. It allows me to begin my day with a rush of endorphins.
But I realized that I was beginning to take it to the extreme due to this increase in workload that accompanies the end of the semester. Thanks professors, I love you too. 
I was pushing myself balls to the wall every. single. workout. six out of the seven days of the week. On top of walking to classes, I found myself dragging by the end of the day and completely worn out. My knee that used to bug me when I played softball in high school started to hurt again. I was irritable all the time and had a short fuse. Have you ever been so tired that you’re too tired to sleep?? It can be annoying!
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In addition to the extreme exercise, I must admit I wasn’t fueling myself properly.
Major dumb moment on my part–I ate the same amount of calories and forgot to consider the fact I was working out on a more intense level….
BOOM KERPOW BANG!!!!! Recipe for disaster…
As a result, my pants have been feeling looser and my arms appear smaller. I don’t own a scale, so I don’t know my weight, but I can see based on my reflection that it’s going down. 
No bueno. No bueno at all.
Going without exercise has essentially cut off the vortex of doom I sensed coming. I’m sure some of you guys know the vortex–ED voice likes the weight loss, continue to work out hard, start restricting, losing more, ED voice happy but pushing you more, work out more, etc etc until you crash and burn.
That’s the last thing I want. Relapse is NOT an option.
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When I start lifting again next week, I’ve made it a priority to—
- Cut back on intensity
- Go back to focusing on compound lifts and keeping my lifting sessions under an hour
- Increasing my calorie intake
- Listen to my body if I need a rest day
- Limit cardio to JUST walking on campus (being uphill, it’s definitely a workout in itself haha)
Routine: Mark Rippetoe’s Starting Strength Basic lifts, 3x a week, many great reviews
Bulking Meal Plan: Cutting out the oats again has made my stomach/digestion pipes happy campers, so I think I’ll be sticking to more fats and starchy vegetables for energy. Lots of beef, fish, whole eggs, trail mixes, and low sodium jerky too.
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I’m super excited to have a plan of action, I think it gives me something to look forward to when my mind is going through WW3.
I’m not gonna stand up here saying “WEEEEEE I’m happy all the time! not working out is super easy! blah blah shishkoomba!!” yeah right. Just within the past days, I’ve had my share of issues about “deserving” a meal just because I didn’t work out. Tessa kind of alluded to the same thing in her post yesterday, so it’s sort of comforting to know I’m not alone. 
At times, I wish our minds were like hearing aids or light swithces–just turn them off when they start up with the stinkin thinkin, ya know?
Life is about so much more than a meal or a workout. I keep repeating this to myself in an attempt to shut down those thoughts. Also, I’ve been dealing with stress outside of exercise by immersing myself in hobbies:
- Reading this book for fun which is PHENOMENAL
- Talking to friends or my parents on the phone
- Baking/cooking
- Drawing
- Taking naps
- Praying/reading my Bible
- Cleaning my apartment
- Stalking facebook, your blogs and pinterest
I find that staying busy has helped immensely! That and support.
It’s gonna be an interesting week ahead, but I know it’ll be worth it. 
If you read this entire monster post, thank you, you’re fan-freakin-tastic rockstars. I just needed to vent a bit, so thank you thank you thank you for listening
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I’d love to hear your thoughts if anyone can relate!
I may be MIA since I have a massive microbiology test on genetics and viruses on Friday and am going home for Easter this weekend, so if I don’t get in a post, I hope you guys have a great rest of the week and a fabulous weekend! <3
I recently had this realization too, and it’s so frustrating! I am crazy obsessed with running and I feel like it’s no longer just to burn calories…BUT I have SUCH a hard time refueling myself! Which then means I can’t work out as much because I can’t get my intake up! If it makes you feel ANY more settled with cutting down on exercise and still eating a healthy amount, when I went to treatment I was put on exercise restriction and wasn’t allowed to workout AT ALL for 5 months! After that I still wasn’t allowed to do any cardio for another 3-4 months…but my body didn’t go crazy and choose to gain massive amounts of weight. I followed my meal plan and stayed on my butt and my weight gain was SLOW (btw I was eating for weight gain, not maintenance). It’s soso hard to believe, but your body doesn’t want to get you as fat as possible like your ED wants you to believe…it just wants to be healthy! It will do what it needs to do to be healthy, trust it, not your ED <3
It can be SO frustrating! But you’re right, I think if we continue to shut out that voice and listen to our bodies, we can begin to heal and reach our full potentials!
Thank you for such an awesome comment 
You’re amazing. This post is amazing. I’m so glad you wrote it.
Definitely understand the voices in the back of your head happy that you’re restricting and killing your workouts, but it’s so important to remember that balance and moderation REALLY is key.
You ROCK! XO
Thanks so much Electra, you’re the best!!
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Great post and good for you! When I quit exercise for a few months in the beginning of my recovery it was clear it was the best thing I ever did for myself. I learned so much and never ever could have carried on in recovery while still exercising. Now that I’m back working out (I’m a lifter like you) it feels amazing to be strong again. I’m still learning about balance but I know if I ever need to take an extended exercise break again, I can and I will be okay
Thank you for such an awesome comment girl!! I’m finding I’m learning a lot from just this one week off, it’s amazing what just a little rest can do for the mind and body
Hope you have a nice evening!
So glad I’m not the only other one who thinks I’m going way too overboard with exercise! I realized quite awhile ago that I relied way too much on exercise to cope with life (which isn’t a bad thing until all of your joints start to hurt and you wake up exhausted)! Good luck with your micro test and enjoy some time off! I’ll be cheering you on from my comfy bed in hopes you’re relaxing the same way
I completely agree! since I can’t run I’ve been a complete mess. I thought I was healthy giving up bad addictions, but obviously just found a new one. I’ve learned a lot from this injury. Good luck with your challenge
You rock girlie! Totally my inspiration at this point
OH BOY can i relate. i so admire your week without exercise resolution, and tessa’s too. to be honest with you, the thought of doing that completely freaks me out. the adventurous april challenge going around had me consider it for about…01 seconds. i love how exercise makes me feel, i do. but i also love how it makes me feel for the WRONG reasons. it makes me feel like it’s OK if i eat something that’s out of my comfort zone, an indulgence. it makes me feel like i deserve it. we should NEVER tell ourselves we don’t deserve enjoyment, yet i often find myself doing so. seriously, i admire how brave you’re being doing this challenge.
“but i also love how it makes me feel for the WRONG reasons.” ME TOO! That’s one of the main reasons I decided to give this challenge a whirl, to combat those feelings and realize that people deserve to eat whatever they’re craving whether they exercised or not.
Thank you SO much for the kind words, Caitlin
Love that you and Tessa are taking on this challenge together… nothing like the support of a friend!!
Agreed! It’s nice to know there are others out there who can relate for sure!
I love this post so much!! I can relate, and even though logically I know I need deload weeks and all that, they’re always difficult for me. Thanks for writing all this, you’re the best!
this is awesome lady. you are showing some great courage here
there is NO way I could ever do this, so kudos to you for having the guts to listen to your body and really fight for what it NEEDS!
Plans are GREAT! I always feel more in control when I have a plan and a direction I’m heading in. You will do GREAT! Keep pushing yourself!
I respect you so much for everything in this post! First of all, that challenge sounds SCARY–just the idea of missing the gym for a week (or to be honest, a day) freaks me out.
And your honesty about the ED thoughts is awesome. It can be so easy to just go with it, pretend not to notice, rationalize…good for you for owning up to everything and making real, tangible goals to combat that.
You can and WILL do this!
Wowowow. Congratulations on taking such a HUGE step towards a more balanced life! I have definitely had my fair share of exercise struggles too, but learning that sometimes “less is more” has been a big help. Keep going strong, girl– I’m rooting you on!
Thanks for the support girl, you rock
Go you lovely! I think this is such a great thing to do and will have a brilliant effect on your life and your energy. I definitely think there is such a thing as over-exercising and I would hate for you to relapse, you’ve come such a long way and are so inspiring! I’m really proud of you for being so determined and it’s fantastic that you’ve been distracting yourself and staying busy with other positive activities
I wish you all the absolute best luck with it all girl, I’m here if you need a chat at any point! <3
Thank you so much Sophie, you are such a blessing!!!
<3
I’m so happy that your doing this challenge! I recently realized how intense my workouts were becoming and that bu doing this I was essentially relapsing. Not okay. I was trying to do up to 3-5 HIIT routines a day and was so burnt out. So I’ve totally scaled it back this week. Eventually I want to take the whole week off to prove to myself I will not get fat in 7 days, thats silly. For now this is working. Great Job!!! This is really motivating!
Good for you!! I’m so happy you’re making steps in the right direction too, I know the last thing we want is any form of relapse. You rock girl!!
Sounds like you needed the break! Good for you for recognizing this and the ED side when that does arise! You are strong and can get through this! I think it was a benefit for you to take the break and really step back to see what it was you were doing to your body before! “Life is about so much more than a meal or a workout.” LOVE THAT! Says it perfectly!
Hope you have a great Easter weekend home! So excited I get to go home and see the family this weekend too!!!
Holy hippopotamus. Thank you SOOOOO much for writing this, you seriously have no idea how much I needed to hear this today. I was at the gym earlier, feeling so lethargic, almost forcing myself to go “balls-to-the-walls”, and finally I just realized “Wow, I’ve been feeling like this for a couple weeks, maybe I need a break?”. DUH, DOLCE!!! Goodness, sometimes ED just takes away common sense, you know? And on top of that I have picked up my old ED habits of trying to have a “perfect” diet, I have been limiting my carbs and fats…uh not good…epic fail on my part. So I am currently at home, eating to my heart’s content, and letting my poor body rest!
You go girl! You are so inspiring, I can see the light of God shining from within you!
Oh Dolce your comment just made me smile SO huge!!!! I’m ecstatic to hear you’re listening to your body too and fueling well! I think by taking this break, you, me and anyone else doing this is just making our bodies reach their full potential again! Feel free to email me if you ever want to talk during this, you rock sista!!!!
It’s amazing how much we really do rely on exercise. Getting exercise is SO important (obviously) but it becomes a problem when your whole day is structured around working out. I am SO glad you are doing this Alex because it just continues to prove how strong you are and how much you have grown and evolved. You go girl..YOU are a rockstar
you are amazing!! that’s so awesome that you were able to realize the problem and do something about it. i’ll be rooting for you!
You and Tessa are both awesome!!! Even the blog world can be really motivating when it comes to workouts, I also find it can put too much pressure on us to exercise. So major kudos for listening to yourself and taking a break!
You’re such an inspiration!
Whooooo girl I feeeeeellll you on missing workouts being hard! Mentally I beeattt myself up if I am having an off week and miss a workout. It’s not good, but sometimes I just can’t help it. I have a hard time justifying my calorie intake if I feel like I haven’t “earned” it. Sometimes all you can do is just think deep and hard about how GOOD for your body rests are..even if it’s a whole week!! You’re awesome for sticking with this, there’s nothing wrong with using exercise as a stress relief, but if you are thinking you rely on it too much then the separation will be nothing but beneficial for you! You’re not alone feeling poopy for missing the days, but you will be revived and rejuvenated BIG time after the week!
You go girl! I know you can succeed!
i’m so happy that you’re taking control of your life and totally slapping that ed in her face! you rock (and inspire)!!!
Thanks lady! I’ll be slapping that b!#%$ extra hard on your behalf!
Yay for bulking!! Ha When I first started lifting it was so hard for me to give up cardio & increase calories at the same time. In the end, I’ve learned it is soooo worth it- like you said, if only we could shut off our minds for a minute & just listen to what our bodies need!
This post makes me really happy
I finally had a chance to read it and am more than proud of you <3 I cannot even begin to explain to you! So proud of you. If you need anything please email me, ok? But I know you will be good 
Your game plan is so promising 
You will be fab! I love the time you will be taking for God 
Great job girl! I’m so glad you realized you needed to do this for yourself before you got sucked in again.. And that you’re able to get through it, re-evaluate, and will be back to a super revamped workout and nutrition plan next week! This is SO AWESOME, I’m so proud of you! If I ever think I need to do this, I won’t hesitate because of awesome role models like you and Tessa
Thank you more than you’ll ever know friend
YOU inspire me!!!
good for you for doing this! I feel like sometimes its hard to take a break from exercise but it is really what the body needs! I have recently tried not to be as hard on myself for not exercising balls to the walls 6 out of 7 days a week..my motto now is to do what I can given my hectic schedule!
So so glad to hear you are doing this… I know I am repeating myself here but yeah, I am just thrilled
And regarding the food situation, yeahhhhhh… look for my explanation on that tomorrow!
… sarcasm!!) woman, we both have this
Stay strong (remember it’s the new skinny
HECK YA GIRLFRAN!! We got this
Lookin forward to your post tomorrow!
Im currently not allowed to run due to tendonitis, so I’ve been doing other things I enjoy like yoga and lifting, but I’m taking it easy so I don’t aggravate my hip. I think it’s great that you’re acknowledging that you needed a break and need to reevaluate!
“Life is about so much more than a meal or a workout”. This is huge. Hard to realize and convince your brain it is true though, no? Good luck on your journey – you are stronger (and I mean mentally) than me to be able to do this right now!
I can completely relate to everything you’ve said here…I am probably due for a whole week off too even though I hate to admit that…
I love when you said, “Life is about so much more than a meal or a workout. ” This is something that I’ve been reflecting on for the past week or so as well. It’s hard to truly realize that there is so much more to life than having a “perfect” body or eating the “right” foods..life is meant to be LIVED and if that means not working out one day or having ice cream and cookies another, that so be it! I don’t just want to survive in this world, I want to LIVE in it and experience it to the fullest!
Great post, I wish you luck this week…Stay Strong<3
“I don’t just want to survive in this world, I want to LIVE in it and experience it to the fullest!” <— OH MY GOSH I LOVE THIS!!!! I'm totally writing that on a sticky note and putting it on my bathroom mirror
Thank you for the support girl, you're the best!
Yay, I’m so glad you are listening to your body and taking a break week from working out. I havent worked out the last 4 days and feel great! Getting back into the gym today with new energy was awesome!
It was hard to not exercise but I’m glad I stuck to it.
And you can too!! I hope you have a super awesome rest week! Enjoy it! <333
I will be cheering for you girl, you can do this! I actually feel like I should take a break from working out besides yoga and walking to classes because I’ve been feeling burned out and my ankles have been sore lately–no bueno! I know it’s gotta be hard pushing aside all those nasty thoughts though but I know you will feel so much better after this break!
Thanks!
If you decide to take a break, lemme know so I can be a cheerleader for you! <3
I definitely hear you on “deserving a meal” if I haven’t worked out. I haven’t been in the gym for a long time because of shows and rehearsals, but performing is a love of mine, and shouldn’t feel guilty about not working out.
That’s fabulous you love your performing so much, chase your dream friend!!
<3
I can definitely relate! And with the too-tired-to-sleep thing–I get that fairly often, and that’s when I know I have to step back. I started The New Rules workout–and it’s sorta been a blessing, since it really stresses ONLY working out 3x a week, taking rest days. And I thought I’d be super stressed by not going to the gym all the time, but I’ve found I’m way more relaxed knowing I have rest days and that I WILL take them–and I’ve actually noticed a positive INCREASE in overall fitness/muscle, so clearly it’s not hurting that department to tone it down some. Again, I agree it’s not always easy to take a rest day, but yeah, definitely necessary to walk away from the gym sometimes.
Hey! I unofficially have taken the last 4 days off exercise, haha. I finished the LiveFit trainer right before I went home, and then I got sick..so, yeah. Taking a little break. Rest can be just as important as exercise!
I read thew whole post
I love your honesty Alexandra. I am going to pray for you this week! I know it might be tough for you, but you are doing the right thing for yourself and that is a huge step FORWARD. Rock on. Know that God is with you always and He’s there for you to lean on Him
. He’s our rock, especially in the tough TOUGH times. I know after this week you will be even stronger in your faith and you will be mentally stronger as well. You’re totally kicking you ED’s butt. Love ya <3333
Thank you SO much friend! Isn’t it just fabulous how God is our rock through these tribulations?
He’s the boot that helpin me kick ED’s butt heehee
This is such a great post. Thanks for sharing with us and I know you will do great!!
Good for you! I’m so proud of you for recognizing the potentially unhealthy place that exercise was starting to take in your life. Again, not a lot of bloggers do (or, if they do, they won’t admit it). Exercise is good, but everything in limits! I think the whole exercise-eat-healthy thing can definitely get to be a slippery slope for those with ED histories, especially because it’s so good at enabling denial (‘I’m just doing what’s good for me and what makes me feel good’). It’s important to be self-aware. Good luck!
Thank you! “slippery slope” is such a perfect description of that vortex, it’s like you took the words out of my brain.
it’s always harder than you think. I’ve had to stop exercising, besides yoga and walking but it’s been a 5 weeks. And you know what? I’m learning that our bodies really need these breaks. God shows us where our focus is too, ya know?
Wow 5 weeks?! My measly one week pales in comparison! You’re so so so right girl, God is with us through these rest weeks, He has a plan
You’re such an inspiration! I hate to admit it but I too am somewhat reliant on exercise…it’s as though my day won’t be great without it (unless it’s a planned rest day)! Of course exercise is great for our health but look at it this way: the extra rest/down time will also do wonders for your health! I’m rooting for ya girl, and hope this week is as stress-free as possible!
Thank you!! <3
woooooooooot so proud!!! you are 100% right, taking time off from workouts is NOT fun. But it’s definitely a must sometimes. I took 2 weeks off at the middle/end of march and it was so weird. I had trouble sleeping because I wasn’t burning off energy, my eating patterns were thrown (no pre- and post- workout snacks), I felt physically and mentally just “off”….but you know what, it was really eye-opening! I realized that the amount I’d been eating for my workouts was really only a little bit more than what I was hungry for when not working out – EPIC FUELING FAIL. not gonna make that mistake again lol! And I also didn’t blow up like a balloon. ANd this is going to sound awful, but this whole year of being focused on training and injuries and all that has really kinda made me lose touch with the rest of me. I love to run, bike, and race, but….there’s more to me than that. AND most shocking of all….omg I didn’t blow up like a whale. lol! Everyone has to eat regardless of how active they are, and the more active you are, the more you gotta eat! So now that I’m easing myself back into workouts, I’m glad I took the time off because now I can apply all those lessons to when I’m training. And I do prefer to work out hard, but I need to work out hard the RIGHT way!
So awesome to hear this Kate! I think it is SUPER awesome you found the real you again and discovered what your body needed. You inspire me so much!
hey dear! sorry to be a downer.. but a week free of exercise should not be done as a ‘challenge’ it is a MUST!!! every 2 months atleast!!! Or if not completely free then scaled down LARGELY!!! this is something anyone training hard should be doing!!!! think of the week as PART of your training. good luck xx
Thank you so much for the advice and encouragement my friend
I think my mind knew that already, but my body just didn’t want to realize it as truth ya know? I think this rest will be super for both mind and body!
This is so true… a much better way of looking at this entire break!
Alexandra,I can relate to this post so much!
As you already know,I also NEED to cut down on my workouts if I a) want to become healthy, b) want to get through my finals without a nervous (and physical) breakdown, and c) want to be able to become a nurse after graduating WHICH IS MY BIGGEST WISH EVER!!!!
So yeah,that means: No cardio besides walking,eating more… And learning to cope with it.
Anyhow,YOU CAN DO IT,GIRL! I’m cheering for you!
Thank you!!!! I’m cheering for you too!!