struggles only make a gal stronger

Hey guys!

Well, all my American friends, we’re back in the regular ol swing of things.

I’m officially back at the apartment digs, my fridge overflowing with tasty leftovers my mom was sure to send me home with ha. I feel like I’m in such a time warp after break though….I mean WTF December’s almost here and I’ve barely started Christmas shopping!

But I must say, knowing I only have 2 more weeks until A MONTH OFF for Christmas is giving me the most insane perseverance!! AHH yes!! Gettin another semester under the belt

Anywho, as you can tell I’m not doing a “Mum’s the Word Monday” post this week…I feel like I kinda have to vent about some stuff that happened to me over thanksgiving.

I had some major battles. {Specifically the ED variety.}

Good news–I manged to come out on top, whereas the old me probably would’ve crumbled and succumbed to the ED. I think fleshing out some of my thoughts really helps me learn and grow in my recovery, so hope y’all don’t mind some major venting…

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Struggle: Mashed potatoes. Huge fear food from my ED, mostly because my mom makes it with a Paula Deen amount of butter.

Success: I actually ate some without feeling guilt! I have to be honest though, I hesitated and almost stayed with my “safe” foods like veggies and loads of turkey. But I really wanted to rebel against those disordered thoughts and wanted to enjoy somehting my mom worked SO hard to make. SO WORTH IT.

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Struggle: Sugar cookies on my dad’s birthday. My mom and I made him a ton with buttercream frosting since he’s not a big fan of cake. Old me would’ve made them, but would’ve passed them off when it came time for celebration, creating an awkward atmosphere.

Success: Ate 3 and big news–I didn’t die! It felt really amazing to have a sugar rush again, and it let me enjoy celebrating my dad’s birthday by actually eating something I helped make for him.

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Struggle: Grandma commenting on me looking good for being “skinny.” Old me would’ve been like, YES!! Reality–I was pissed when she said that. Inside I feel muscular and healthy, but hearing people call me something I don’t want to be anymore hurts.

i had to, it's mulan for cryin out loud heehee

Success: I managed to brush it off; she was just trying to give me a compliment and I overreacted. I mean it’s how I feel about myself that counts, not the opinion of a 95 year old woman!

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Struggle: Not having my afternoon snack at my usual time. On Thanksgiving, my dad and I were really busy putting up Christmas lights, so I couldn’t just stop and have something to eat at my usual time of 3:00ish. I had to wait until about 4. The old me would’ve FREAKED out, believing all of those bodybuilding nutrition myths like “if you don’t eat every 2-3 hours, your muscles will start to eat themselves!”

she kinda has torpedo boobs...

Success: My dad and I completed the lights with no breaks, making a new record time and then we shared a snack of birthday cookies together! A cookie fest shared with my favorite dude is much better than causing unnecessary drama over a meal time if you ask me.

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Struggle: Eggs exploding in the microwave. Ya I know this isn’t a REAL battle…

ya it kinda resembled this...

Success: I managed to scrape all the remnants of exploded chicken embryo into a bowl! Salvaged ftw ;)

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Bottom line–struggles SUCK. But who’s to say more struggles aren’t coming when Christmas rolls around? I think that’s what recovery is about: Facing fears… Getting stronger…but most importantly

WINNING.

Hope everyone has a great start to their Mondays! {random–I’m really excited for WIAW this go around since I missed it last week and it’ll have the return of oats haha}

I’d love to know–Do you find you have more struggles during the holidays in recovery? What kinda of successes have you celebrated recently?

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